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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25532221">Snort, Smile, Sigh</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Moony_Prouvaire/pseuds/Moony_Prouvaire'>Moony_Prouvaire</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>EXO (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Friends to Lovers, Idiots in Love, M/M, No beta read we die like barricade revolutionaries</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 08:34:09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>6,403</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25532221</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Moony_Prouvaire/pseuds/Moony_Prouvaire</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Jongdae needs a fake boyfriend and instead of asking his best friend Baekhyun, who just happens to have a crush on him, he goes for somebody else. </p><p>Aka, this is not the usual Fake relationship trope, luckily for Baekhyun.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Byun Baekhyun/Kim Jongdae | Chen</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>111</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Snort, Smile, Sigh</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I wrote this fic as a treat for myself. I had fun so my goal has been fulfilled and now I want to share it with you. Hopefully,  you find this entertaining enough. Kuddos and comments are more than welcome!! </p><p>P.S.: no Yixing was hurt during the writing of this fic</p><p>Also, use a mask, please.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“It’s decided: I’m getting a fake boyfriend,” Jongdae claims, pouncing unceremoniously on the sofa. Literally pouncing. It was like watching a documentary about a feline hunting its prey. Baekhyun, who was sitting there, has to jump out of his way because of how real it looks.</p><p> </p><p>He frowns pondering Jongdae’s statement, and a small yet bright smile starts to form on his lips.</p><p> </p><p>“Me,” Baekhyun asks, no, states.</p><p> </p><p>This is the moment he has been waiting for his entire life… or at least since he discovered his big-fat crush on his best friend, the pouncing one. A fanfic trope coming into life. Baekhyun being Jongdae’s fake boyfriend, Jongdae falling in love with him because of it. And then, sex. A lot of sex.</p><p> </p><p>Baekhyun is beaming.   </p><p> </p><p>Jongdae snorts. “Hyung, I’m being serious.”</p><p> </p><p>Baekhyun sizes him up skeptically. Neither of them talks seriously, like ever, but if he says so. Deep inside, though, he’s melting. <em>Hyung</em>, he repeats in his head smitten.</p><p> </p><p><em> Wait a fucking moment</em>. “What does that even mean? I can date you and fake-date you very seriously!”</p><p> </p><p>Jongdae’s in an awkward posture. His neck bent painfully, his shoulders at the same level as his hips, his legs higher, the curve of his back forming a fallen “C”. Baekhyun pokes Jongdae’s side a couple of times until the other grabs his finger and gives him one of his infamous eye-smile, straight eyebrows, front teeth, high cheeks, and curliest smile combo. The <em>mortal </em>combo.</p><p> </p><p>He’s probably thinking that Baekhyun was attempting to tickle him. Which he was not. He was and is worried. That posture is going to make him sore and aching later, and not for the right reasons.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, I mean no. That would be absurd. You and I? Dating? <em>Pretending </em> to be dating?”</p><p> </p><p>Baekhyun nods, to both. “We can even get married if you want to. Or pretend to be married if that’s more your thing.”</p><p> </p><p>Jongdae roars with laughter, his belly trembling and the sofa sagging with the new posture. Now it’s a “V”.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re ridiculous,” Jongdae says with another mortal combo. Baekhyun resists its effect, forming a tense line with his lips and preventing them from returning the gesture. He’s not going to smile after being rejected <em>and </em>insulted.</p><p> </p><p>“Nobody would ever believe that you and I are dating,” Jongdae continues.</p><p> </p><p>Baekhyun waits, giving Jongdae time to reconsider. Two minutes is not enough to remember all those times that they have been mistaken for a couple, but some of those would do. Baekhyun’s not granting more silence.</p><p> </p><p>“So…”</p><p> </p><p>“So, no. Let me rephrase that. There’s no way my<em> mum </em> is going to believe that we are dating.” Baekhyun opens his mouth to speak. “No,” Jongdae cuts him. <em> Rude</em>. “She’s known you since you were in diapers. She knows all your lying fixations, there’s no way she would fall for it.”</p><p> </p><p>That’s true. Baekhyun has misused his lying abilities. Too many homework excuses. Too many party-lies. He sighs.</p><p> </p><p>“Moving on,” Jongdae says, not moving on. “I’m getting a fake boyfriend, that is not you. Chanyeol would do. Or maybe Kyungsoo, though I can’t see him lying to a mother. It must be against his perfect son's honor. Oh! I could ask Junmyeon, we actually dated.”</p><p> </p><p>“You sucked his dick in a bathroom stall. That hardly counts as dating.”</p><p> </p><p>Jongdae moves his hand dismissively. “Details. I could also go for Sehun.”</p><p> </p><p>“He’s dating your brother.”</p><p> </p><p>“Exactly. Common interest. And he’s cute. And tall. That’s totally my style.”</p><p> </p><p>“And taken. Leave tall people for people their height. Mind their neck.” And mind Baekhyun’s self-esteem. Small people deserve rights, too.</p><p> </p><p>Jongdae proceeds tirelessly, and Baekhyun’s too fond of him to find it annoying. “What about Minseok?”</p><p> </p><p>“Married. And before you suggest a polyamory relationship, he’s in China.”</p><p> </p><p>Jongdae hums. The waterfall of names continues, but Baekhyun doesn’t keep up with it this time. There’s something missing about all this.</p><p> </p><p>“Jongdae, there’s something missing,” Baekhyun points out loud.</p><p> </p><p>Jongdae ponders, squinting his eyes. “In what I’m saying? Or like, in your house? If you’re wondering where’s your charger, you forgot it at Chanyeol’s.”</p><p> </p><p>Baekhyun shakes his head. “No, that’s not… Aha!” he exclaims proudly. “The driver!”</p><p> </p><p>“We will take the train to my mum’s house. You know I don’t drive and I don’t want to impose on my fake boyfriend. One thing is making him pretend, another, totally different, is making him <em>drive</em>. That’s taking advantage of him.”</p><p> </p><p>“No, the driver, the motive, that made you look for a boyfriend. A fake one concretely.”</p><p> </p><p>Jongdae slides downer. His butt is out of the sofa, floating in the air at this very moment. Baekhyun leans closer and pinches it. Jongdae yelps and jerks, and ends up sitting in a straighter posture than before. <em> The power of the pinch, man. </em></p><p> </p><p>“Asshole,” Jongdae says.</p><p> </p><p>“Ass cheek,” Baekhyun corrects. “Now, answer, why do you need to lie?”</p><p> </p><p>“Mum’s relatives. I’m visiting her next week and she told me she would be at my great-aunt’s house celebrating whatever and that I should go too and meet everybody.”</p><p> </p><p>“The filthy rich great-aunt?” Baekhyun’s eyes are sparkling. Jongdae nods, grinning at him. “The filthy great-aunt! Can I go, please? And swim in her swimming pool, lay on the hammock, play tennis, drink margaritas while sunbathing, …”</p><p> </p><p>“You hate margaritas and sunbathing, but yes. They won’t mind, you know they love you.”</p><p> </p><p>Baekhyun spends a whole minute bouncing on his seat, making incoherent victory noises and hugging Jongdae. Jongdae’s great-aunt’s house is a mansion. Hectares of property, infinite floors (concretely four), a salty swimming pool, a gym, a hot tub, a solarium, bathrooms with baths larger than Baekhyun’s bed, beds larger than Baekhyun’s bedroom, a garden larger than Baekhyun’s loft (which it’s not that complicated, but that’s not the point).</p><p> </p><p>Delightfully, he spreads his whole body over Jongdae’s torso, who groans with the unexpected weight.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m so happy. Vacation. I have to ask for some days at work. And ask Minseok to take care of Mongryong.”</p><p> </p><p>“Minseok? Wasn’t he in China?”</p><p> </p><p>Baekhyun ignores him, for the sake of friendship. “You haven’t actually answered, you know.” Jongdae sits properly now, readjusting Baekhyun’s body on his lap and petting his head. He could expend those vacations right here, on this very lap, rather than in that house, to be honest. He could expend his whole life if it’s necessary. Please, let it be necessary.</p><p> </p><p>“I can’t appear there with no job, no house, and no relationship, Baek. My grandmother asked me for children, no disappointments.”</p><p> </p><p>“You’re gay. You can’t have babies other than me, babe,” Baekhyun pouts on Jongdae’s behalf.</p><p> </p><p>Jongdae inhales. “<em> Adopted </em>children. She knows I’m gay. And you know that she knows because it was <em> you </em>who slipped and shared it with her.”</p><p> </p><p>Oh, right. “She’s good at making people talk, I’m good at talking. It was meant to happen. I’m just a human, even though I may look like a god.”</p><p> </p><p>“Anyway. I’m… I can’t go there and confess that I’ve been fired, that I’m living with my best friend because my rental ended, and that I’m far from giving her grandchildren. They’re always expecting so much of me that I don’t want to let them down. And I know my mother already told them about my dismissal, but if I could keep the rest for myself? That would be wonderful.”</p><p> </p><p>“And lie to your mum,” Baekhyun asks worriedly with no judgment in his voice.</p><p> </p><p>“Just during this week. She’s worse at lying than you, so if she knows that my relationship is fake, everybody is going to find out. So I need to lie to her too, for seven days.”</p><p> </p><p>Baekhyun smiles up at him, stretching his hand to pat Jongdae’s shoulder. “It’s the stupidest thing I have heard you say in a very long time. A fool-made plan ready to fail. It’s good to have you back in the game. I’m all in.”</p><p> </p><p>Not even from this perspective, in which Jongdae’s neck is thicker than his head, it’s possible to find a flaw in Jongdae’s face. “Should be exhausting to be this handsome,” he finishes.</p><p> </p><p>Baekhyun’s head trembles with Jongdae’s belly laugh, it’s like being in heaven. Then Jongdae flicks his head, and that’s more like reality, but still a very good one.</p><p> </p><p>(◕‸ ◕✿) (◕ω◕✿) (◕‸ ◕✿) (◕ω◕✿) (◕‸ ◕✿) (◕ω◕✿) (◕‸ ◕✿) (◕ω◕✿)</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>A week later, Yixing, Jongdae, and Baekhyun are found on a train. The first one being the fake boyfriend, the last one being the future boyfriend. Call Baekhyun the main character in this story. Just give him a couple of months or years, he’s working on it.</p><p> </p><p>They’re sitting in a compartment with confronted upholstered seats, that are too far from each other that Baekhyun can’t reach with his feet to the one in front. Jongdae and Yixing are scheming their plan. Baekhyun is staring. They’re both so cute. It’s frustrating.</p><p> </p><p>“So…” Baekhyun always begins his sentences with ‘so’ to call for attention while playing with the suspense. “Yixing, why are you here? What is in it for you?”</p><p> </p><p>Yixing tilts his head, thoughtfully. “Jongdae asked me,” he shrugs.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, I understand that. He’s irresistible.”</p><p> </p><p>Jongdae snorts. Baekhyun smiles, like a chain reaction.</p><p> </p><p>“He’s my friend,” Yixing continues. “You’re also my friend. You bragged about the mansion,” Baekhyun’s eyes light up at the reminder. “There’s also free food. Jongin and Sehun will be there too for a couple of days… so it’s like going on a free trip as a retired rich man with my friends while holding hands with Jongdae.”</p><p> </p><p>“I can see the appeal,” Baekhyun accepts.</p><p> </p><p>Jongdae snorts again and tries to kick Baekhyun’s feet with his hobbit foot. The unsurmountable abysm between them hindering the collision. Baekhyun stands up and sits beside Jongdae, lifting the other’s kicking leg and placing it over his.</p><p> </p><p>“So… Jongdae,” he begins now. “Why Yixing?”</p><p> </p><p>Jongdae curls his lips and starts counting with his short fingers. Everything about him is pocket size. Oh, well, hopefully not everything. “He’s successful, handsome, every woman over forty adores him. He’s attentive, polite, loving. He sings, he plays the piano, the guitar, he composes; he has the money, he has the look, he has the patience… his trump card is that he’s Chinese so if my relatives make embarrassing questions he can ignore them without being rude… he knows how to cook, how to take care of children. That’s a plus with my nephews…”</p><p> </p><p>“Wow, Yixing, that’s awful,” Baekhyun interrupts, leaning forward to see the man, the god, the legend. “Being all that it’s kind of selfish if you ask me. There’s nothing good about being perfect. One should share some devious flaws to not make the others feel bad about themselves. That goes for you too, baby,” he says to Jongdae. “Though in your case you kindly chose to be short. Behold the one and only imperfection!” he claims, throwing his hands up and almost hitting Jongdae’s face.</p><p> </p><p>“My taste for friends is also an imperfection”</p><p> </p><p>“Thankfully, that’s solvable. No more being friends, be my boyfriend instead!”</p><p> </p><p>And then the chain reaction repeats itself. Snort. Smile.</p><p> </p><p>Yixing sighs, already regretting this.  </p><p> </p><p>(◕‸ ◕✿) (◕ω◕✿) (◕‸ ◕✿) (◕ω◕✿) (◕‸ ◕✿) (◕ω◕✿) (◕‸ ◕✿) (◕ω◕✿)</p><p> </p><p>“Baek,” Yixing calls once they arrive.</p><p> </p><p>Jongdae is steps ahead, carrying Baekhyun’s and Jongdae’s luggage. <em> Whatta a strong man has Baekhyun chosen to marry one day</em>. Talking about good taste. The flexing of his arms, the tightness of his pants, the breadth of his shoulders where Baekhyun could go and die.</p><p> </p><p>“Were you saying something?” he says to Yixing, in an effort to be civilized.</p><p> </p><p>“I want to clarify that my intentions with Jongdae are pure,”</p><p> </p><p>Baekhyun cackles. “Oh, that makes at least one of us.”</p><p> </p><p>Desperate (of being perfect, Baekhyun guesses), Yixing rubs his face with a sigh. “Baek. What I mean is that I know you love him. It’s hard to miss it, actually. Your feelings are all over the place in an overwhelming way. I don’t understand how Jongdae can’t see it. He’s pretty oblivious.”</p><p> </p><p>“I know, it’s adorable, right?”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m not going to thwart your intention with him and, if you let me, I would be enchanted to help you.”</p><p> </p><p>Baekhyun stares at him. “Remember what I said before? Being so perfect is no cool, Yixing, has some mercy for mere humans like me.” Yixing’s shoulders slump and he begins mumbling something. “Are you counting?”</p><p> </p><p>“To twenty, yes, one moment.” Baekhyun awaits amused. “Have you-,” Yixing breaks off, clears his voice, and restarts again, with a less exasperated voice. “Have you thought about talking things through with Jongdae and, you know, confessing in a serious way?”</p><p> </p><p>Again that word. Baekhyun could be the president of the serious community if he wanted to. He has even practiced his best serious faces in front of the mirror before.</p><p> </p><p>He tries one of those before answering, squinting his eyes, bringing his finger to his chin while tapping it slightly. “Serious as in asking him out for a date in the place where we met with a bouquet of his favorite flowers? Yeah, I gave it a thought…”</p><p> </p><p>Yixing nods reassured. Baekhyun drops his serious façade, slapping Yixing’s butt with a cheeky smile. </p><p> </p><p>“… It’s an awful idea. We met in kindergarten when he ‘accidentally’ cut my hair and his favorite flower is the corpse flower, which was chosen as the world’s ugliest flower. That’s why Jongdae picked it because he thought nobody would love the corpse flower otherwise. <em>Duh, </em>maybe there’s a reason? But, he’s that kind, and that unconscious because he ruined any chance of me getting him a bouquet. Anyway, an awful idea.”</p><p> </p><p>“Hey! Are you coming or not?” Jongdae screams at the portico, waiting for them.</p><p> </p><p>Baekhyun quivers. “Fuck, I just had a flash-forward. Jongdae and I married, living in a mansion like this… you’re our son, so you don’t feel left out. Unless our son is a teenager, then feeling like an outcast is inevitable. I’m coming back after picking you up from school. High school. And he’s there, loose, wet, ready for me to bridal carry him to our room and fuck him… meanwhile, you will go to the swimming pool to sulk. Because you’re a teenager, but a rich one. And…”</p><p> </p><p>“Baekhyun! I’m knocking now if you’re not here in a second, you’re sleeping outside!”</p><p> </p><p>Baekhyun whirls around, searching for Yixing and realizing that he’s already there with Jongdae. When did he leave?</p><p> </p><p>“Coming!” He dashes, climbing the flight of stairs and engulfing Jongdae in a hug. “I came, daddy,” he whispers, moving his eyebrows naughtily.</p><p> </p><p>Jongdae punches Baekhyun’s arm and tries to unwrap himself. “No dirty jokes the moment they open the door; do you hear me?” he menaces. How hot.</p><p> </p><p>Then Jongdae turns toward Yixing and takes the other’s hand, intertwining their fingers together (unnecessarily if you ask Baekhyun), and kisses his cheek (even more unnecessary).</p><p> </p><p>“Okay, let’s do this.”</p><p> </p><p>Baekhyun clears his throat. “So…” he says. When Jongdae attention is on him, he points at his empty, abandoned, forlorn cheek, “no kiss for me?”</p><p> </p><p>With a soft and indulgent smile, Jongdae leans in, kissing his cheek too. “Better?”</p><p> </p><p>Baekhyun nods. “Now, remember for the next time. You don’t need to tiptoe to kiss me. My cheeks and lips,” he includes, just in case, “are accessible. If you want to change our roles and give me the boyfriend role, there’s still time.”</p><p> </p><p>Snort. Smile. A sigh from Yixing.  </p><p> </p><p>Suddenly, the door is whisked open by a dolled up old lady. Three toddlers appear screaming from behind her. Two of them throw themselves at Baekhyun.</p><p> </p><p>“My children,” Baekhyun cries, crouching down to receive them. The third one halts in front of Yixing, looking curious.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m their relative,” Jongdae complains of being ignored.</p><p> </p><p>“Date me and they would be <em>our </em>children. Mark, don’t you want a hug, too?” The third child blinks at Baekhyun, then at Jongdae who opens his arms invitingly (Baekhyun is about to launch himself into those arms) and finally at Yixing.</p><p> </p><p>“Yes!” he claims beaming, encircling the latter’s legs with his little arms. And it’s so cute that Baekhyun doesn’t have it on him to feel betrayed.</p><p> </p><p>Mrs. Kim, lady Sohyun if you’re familiar with her (like Baekhyun is) laughs, clapping her hands in that delicate, soft, and musical way that old people do in the opera. Baekhyun has never gone to one but he supposes this is how they clap. “I’m so happy for your visit,” she says, trapping Jongdae in a crushing hug. Don’t trust the elderly.</p><p> </p><p>“And I’m so glad that you finally got together. We were rooting for you two,” she says at Baekhyun and Jongdae. “You made me won against your grandma! Told her you were going to get together before you turn 30. She has to share her <em> yaksiks </em> recipe with me now, thanks to you.”</p><p> </p><p>Now it’s Baekhyun's turn to blink and snigger as he sees Jongdae’s anxious expression.</p><p> </p><p>“So-Sohyun,” Jongdae stammers, shifting from one foot to the other, biting his lower lip and touching his earlobe with a nervous smile. Baekhyun wants to stand up, wrap him in a blanket, and protect him. “When I said I was coming with my boyfriend and Baekhyun, I wasn’t talking about the same person, he-he.”</p><p> </p><p>Baekhyun chuckles at the literal ‘he-he’. “Someone overtook me,” Baekhyun shrugs, taking the inquiring gaze of Sohyun off Jongdae. He signals at Yixing.</p><p> </p><p>Sohyun turns baffled, facing Yixing, who bows and shows his dimple. And that’s it. She’s already sold. The next thing they know is that the awkward silence is out, she’s beaming, doing the opera clap and leading Yixing inside while bombarding him with questions.</p><p> </p><p>“Jongdae, sweetheart, come here to get the third degree from me!” she calls from inside.</p><p> </p><p>“Well, that wasn’t so bad,” Jongdae says. Baekhyun opens his mouth to make a flippant remark, but Jongdae is already marching inside. “Close the door, Baek,” he asks without turning, leaving Baekhyun at the portico with three lurking children and a weird sensation in the pit of his stomach.</p><p> </p><p>(◕‸ ◕✿) (◕ω◕✿) (◕‸ ◕✿) (◕ω◕✿) (◕‸ ◕✿) (◕ω◕✿) (◕‸ ◕✿) (◕ω◕✿)</p><p> </p><p>Baekhyun is stuffing his mouth at the point of choking. His disjunctive is adding another cheese finger into his mouth or surviving. He goes for the former, his mum didn’t raise no b*tch. Also, Jongdae brought them, so he’s being a considerate (boy) friend. </p><p> </p><p>It happens that the weird stomach sensation that he had earlier was hunger. He got scared there, for one second he thought he had, don’t know, feelings? <em> Sad </em>feelings. Thankfully he forgot it as soon as he stole Heechul’s seat at the Adult Table.</p><p> </p><p>Baekhyun turns discreetly to take a look at the Children Table. He doesn’t focus on his children or on Heechul sitting on the Pororo chair, no, he focuses on their meal.</p><p> </p><p>“Taeyong,” he calls in a whisper. “Pass me some tteokbokki, would you? Thank you, small bean!”</p><p> </p><p>He places the dish with a smirk. Is this how Um Hong-Gil felt when he reached the summit of Everest? Probably.</p><p> </p><p>“Want some, babe?” he asks Jongdae, who of course is sitting beside him, even though that meant sending Yixing to the other side of the table. In front of Jongdae.</p><p> </p><p>And no, they aren’t sitting like that so they can play footsies, like Heechul misstated. They <em>can’t </em>when Dakho, Sohyun’s Saint Bernard, is laying in the middle. Totally not Baekhyun doing.</p><p> </p><p>“No pet names, Baek. Also, is this from the Children Table?” Jongdae guesses, and guesses right. Baekhyun acts puzzled. “Adults don’t have tteokbokki, we have…”</p><p> </p><p>“Cucumber. A dish with <em>cucumber,</em>” Baekhyun practically spits. It’s his kryptonite. Only saying THE NAME drains him.</p><p> </p><p>Jongdae smiles fondly at him. “Yeah, I think mum added it for Yixing, he loves it.”</p><p> </p><p>Baekhyun grimaces. “He could have chosen another flaw. Anyway, want some or not?” He takes a tteokbokki and makes flying noises while bringing it to Jongdae’s mouth who opens it automatically.</p><p> </p><p>Baekhyun waits. Tracing the outline of Jongdae’s face and neck while the other groans, gulps it and grabs his water drinking it in one go. Baekhyun licks his lips.</p><p> </p><p>“So hot,” Jongdae finally says. “But so good.”</p><p> </p><p>“Exactly my thoughts.” Though Baekhyun isn’t talking about the tteokbokki, obviously.</p><p> </p><p>“Here, have some yourself,” Jongdae says, reaching with his chopsticks and feeding Baekhyun as if he couldn’t do it himself… could he?</p><p> </p><p>“By the way, Baek, we can’t sleep together this time,” Jongdae says making Baekhyun stop eating entirely. “Mum says it would be rude for Yixing, I have to share a room with him instead.”</p><p> </p><p>“Why so?”</p><p> </p><p>Jongdae shrugs as he picks his food separating the cucumber from the rest of the food. He fills the spoon with rice and places kimchi on the top. “Try this, the kimchi will camouflage the cucumber’s flavor.” Baekhyun hums contented and accepts it. “Actually, Xing said he could sleep with Mark and the rest of the children so we could be together but my mum sent me one of those looks, you know which one, the <em> Jongdae you’re disappointing me, I expected much more from you, I’m erasing your name from the narrative glare. </em>”</p><p> </p><p>“Is that from Hamilton?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yep, I knew you would catch it. This is why you are my friend.”</p><p> </p><p>“Best.”</p><p> </p><p>“Best friend, indeed, yes.”</p><p> </p><p>“Future boyfriend, too.”</p><p> </p><p>Jongdae snorts. Baekhyun smiles. Neither of them hears the sigh.</p><p> </p><p>“I received that glare before too when I pushed Heechul from his seat. Ex-seat. The key is to…”</p><p> </p><p>“Are you gonna eat that?” Jongdae chips in, referring to the last tteokbokki.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey, I'm talking!”</p><p> </p><p>“True, it’s mine then. Please, keep going.”</p><p> </p><p>As if. “No. It’s mine. I smuggled it in.”</p><p> </p><p>There’s a little fight there. Chopstick against chopstick, spoon against spoon. Swords and shields in another bloody-saucy battle. Yixing is staring because there is one tteokbokki, yes, but they aren’t actually attempting to take it. What they’re doing is staining everything.</p><p> </p><p>“Maybe you could solve this minor…. mmm… conflict, in a more mature way?” Yixing says kindly.</p><p> </p><p>Both of them stop and stare back. “He has a point,” Jongdae accepts.</p><p> </p><p>“That he does. Prepare to be defeated,” Baekhyun withdraws his hand. Jongdae always chooses scissor, so winning him it’s a piece of cake.</p><p> </p><p>“Mature as in splitting the tteokbokki in two, not mature as in playing rock, paper, scissor,” Yixing interjects again.</p><p> </p><p>“He has another point.”</p><p> </p><p>“He’s definitely pointy, yes,” Baekhyun nods. “Let’s be mature, then. I’ll show you what I can really do!” he exclaims.</p><p> </p><p>“Dragon Ball quote?” Jongdae suspects. Baekhyun has the smartest future boyfriend ever.</p><p> </p><p>In the end, they divide the tteokbokki… but not like a normal person would do. At least, not like Yixing would do. Instead of simply cutting it with a chopstick, Jongdae raises it between Baekhyun and himself and they both try to eat it at the same. Yixing <em>has to </em>sigh, in a long-suffering way, because, really? When their foreheads collide, he simply diverts his attention. If he’s going to be here for a week, he’s not going to witness whatever Jongdae and Baekhyun are doing. Nop.</p><p> </p><p>(◕‸ ◕✿) (◕ω◕✿) (◕‸ ◕✿) (◕ω◕✿) (◕‸ ◕✿) (◕ω◕✿) (◕‸ ◕✿) (◕ω◕✿)</p><p> </p><p>“Hey, have you seen Yixing?” Jongdae asks Baekhyun who is floating on the water in the pool.</p><p> </p><p>Baekhyun shifts on his airbed, sliding his foot into the cold water by accident and almost falling. “Maybe,” he says trying to act nonchalant. “If you come here and swim with me I may tell you.”</p><p> </p><p>Jongdae snorts. Baekhyun smiles. “What you’re doing isn’t swimming.”</p><p> </p><p>Baekhyun scoffs and paddles with his now wet foot with determination and emphasis, making the airbed move in circles. “Then what is this?”</p><p> </p><p>“A cute puppy playing with the water.” Okay. Okay, that actually is way better than what Baekhyun was aiming for. Baekhyun beams and tries to get closer to Jongdae. However, the airbed is pretty hard to control and he ends up falling. That doesn’t stop him from splashing toward Jongdae who is laughing his ass off.</p><p> </p><p>“Get down here, babe,” Baekhyun says, resting his arms on the edge of the swimming pool.</p><p> </p><p>Jongdae squats down with a smile. “Don’t use pet names,” he scolds, with his smile still up, so Baekhyun ignores it. “I think Yixing is avoiding me. Since today’s lunch, he has been MIA. At first, I thought he was with the children… they really do like him, you know. Give him a couple of days and maybe they like him more than they like you.”</p><p> </p><p>“Ouch,” Baekhyun responds vaguely. He’s too busy watching how the sun plays with Jongdae’s eyes. “Would <em> you </em> like him better than you like me too?”</p><p> </p><p>Jongdae shakes his head, his eyes fixed on Baekhyun’s. “You’re such an idiot Byun Baekhyun,” he says, leaning in and pressing a kiss to Baek’s crown before standing up. “Gonna see if I find him, he’s my boyfriend, after all, right?”</p><p> </p><p>Baekhyun whines as he sees Jongdae entering the back door.</p><p> </p><p>“You have it bad, man,” he hears somewhere behind him say. Then there’s some hissing, a huff, watery noises, and Heechul appears in his line of vision on top of the airbed.</p><p> </p><p>“Don’t know what you’re talking about,” Baekhyun pouts. He can’t see Jongdae anymore. He’s still imagining him, though.</p><p> </p><p>“Baekhyunee, how many nights have you fallen asleep while playing PUBG with me? Should I remember you that you talk in your sleep? Oh, Jongdae, harder, oh, fuck, right there, …”</p><p> </p><p>“Hi!” Jongdae yells in. Baekhyun pouts disappear as he looks up just to see Jongdae in the balcony waving at them. He returns the salute and if he slaps Heechul making him fall from the airbed is well deserved.</p><p> </p><p>“Just fucking confess,” Heechul grunts coughing up water.</p><p> </p><p>“Like this you mean?” Baekhyun says before screaming abruptly. “Jongdae, I love you!”</p><p> </p><p>Heechul curses, not expecting that. Baekhyun keeps looking skyward. Jongdae snorts. “I found Yixing!” he screams back. “He’s having a siesta!”</p><p> </p><p>“Great, babe, now come here I already miss you!” Baekhyun continues, raising an eyebrow at Heechul.</p><p> </p><p>Jongdae laughs. “Give me a second, I’ll be right back!”</p><p> </p><p>“Believe me,” Baekhyun says now to Heechul, once Jongdae gets back inside. “I have fucking tried. He’s just…” he moves his hand, trying to gather a word that can express his frustration and his infatuation… “<em> dense. </em>”</p><p> </p><p>“And you’re late,” Heechul understands. “You have been confessing for so long that he doesn’t take you seriously anymore and now he has found Yixing. And whatever you say now, it’s too late.”</p><p> </p><p>For once, Baekhyun remains silent. Inside his head, however, those last two words are on a loop.</p><p> </p><p>(◕‸ ◕✿) (◕ω◕✿) (◕‸ ◕✿) (◕ω◕✿) (◕‸ ◕✿) (◕ω◕✿) (◕‸ ◕✿) (◕ω◕✿)</p><p> </p><p>“Mum, no, Jongdae is living with Baekhyun not Yixing. I didn’t even know they were dating.”</p><p> </p><p>Baekhyun has interacted so much with the Kim family that he already knew that they have a pathological disease called: ‘We can’t lie’. Still, when Jongin arrives, tanned, gorgeous, tall, and in love, with his hand interlaced with his boyfriend’s and says that; Baekhyun hates him a little.</p><p> </p><p>Three days have passed. Three days of Baekhyun sleeping with Ten, Taeyong, and Mark while Jongdae shares a bed with Yixing; three days of Baekhyun fighting for the airbed against Heechul while Yixing teaches Jongdae how to swim; three days of Sohyun gushing over the new couple while Heechul pities him. Three fucking days of Baekhyun not dating Jongdae. And then Jongin appears and almost spoils everything.</p><p> </p><p>Yixing is fast to intervene. “Yes, that’s true. I know how important you all are for Jongdae so we wanted to get your acceptance before moving in together. And we have been hiding it from you too, Jongin, so we can confess to the whole family at once.”</p><p> </p><p>Everybody seems to understand, washing Yixing again with compliments. Such a good boy, so considerate, so thoughtful, so kind, so attentive.</p><p> </p><p>“Xing is the best boyfriend ever,” Mark exclaims and that, <em> that </em>does feel like a punch in the stomach.</p><p> </p><p>Baekhyun doesn’t move, doesn’t joke around, doesn’t whine, doesn’t lean into Jongdae because the other is sitting beside Yixing and far away from him. He just… he just has to remember how to breathe while Heechul’s words appear again inside his mind.</p><p> </p><p><em> Too late</em>. <em> Too late. Too late. Too late… </em></p><p> </p><p>There’s a hand on the small of his back and he barely registers that is Sehun’s until the other hugs him tightly. “I told Jongin we had to come as soon as possible so you weren’t alone,” he whispers to Baekhyun’s ear. “I know this is hard for you, Hyunee, and you have been so strong, so mature, so brave dealing with this. Maybe Jongdae wasn’t the one for you but it’s okay, you’re gonna be okay.”</p><p> </p><p>Baekhyun flees.</p><p> </p><p>He wants to scream. He can’t because everybody would follow him, so he conforms himself stomping his way up to the upper floor, distancing him from them. He wants to tell that no, it’s not too late, and he’s not strong, not <em>mature</em>, and definitely not brave 'cause Yixing and Jongdae AREN’T DATING.</p><p> </p><p>It’s a farce! It’s a bloody farce!</p><p> </p><p>But deep inside he’s scared because Yixing and Jongdae do look cute together. The ideal couple, even though three days ago <em>they </em>were the ideal couple. Nobody until this week has ever thought that Jongdae and Baekhyun wouldn’t end up together. Until now, not even Baekhyun thought that Jongdae could end up with somebody else. Even Chanyeol, who can’t grasp anything at all, knew that and stopped flirting with Jongdae because it was futile.  </p><p> </p><p>Baekhyun doesn’t realize he can’t breathe until he feels someone caressing his back and remembering him to inhale calmly.</p><p> </p><p>“Leave me alone, Sehun,” he says without thinking, his voice tremulous and feeble.</p><p> </p><p>“If I’m not Sehun can I stay?”</p><p> </p><p>Baekhyun’s head whiplash. Jongdae is the one holding him, looking at him worryingly and stroking his back.</p><p> </p><p>Baekhyun nods without opening his mouth and hides his face in Jongdae’s neck.</p><p> </p><p>“My Baekhyunee,” Jongdae whispers, stroking his head now. “Let’s go somewhere more private. I know my family and they’re probably eavesdropping.”</p><p> </p><p>“You are no fun, Jongdae!” they hear Jongdae’s grandfather yell from downstairs.</p><p> </p><p>Baekhyun frowns while he follows Jongdae to a room. “Wasn’t he half-deaf?”</p><p> </p><p>Jongdae hums affirmatively. “He uses his hearing aid to spy. Okay, we are alone. Baekhyun…”</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t respond to that name anymore. Only to ‘<em> my Baekhyunee’ </em>,” Baekhyun says hoping to hear it again.</p><p> </p><p>“Already feeling better I see.”</p><p> </p><p>He puts on a hopeful face and Jongdae takes Baekhyun's hand in his, yielding. “My Baekhyunee, what am I going to do with you?”</p><p> </p><p>“Whatever you want,” Baekhyun replies earnestly.</p><p> </p><p>“And what would I do <em>without</em> you?” Baekhyun raises his hand ready with a comeback. Because <em>that </em>is not a possibility but Jongdae’s next words stop him in his tracks. “I’m madly in love with you. Don’t act so surprised, Byun Baekhyun. You are vocal about it, I know, but I think even if I have never used the actual words I have also confessed a million times through my acts. And people say acts speak higher than words.”</p><p> </p><p>Baekhyun struggles to answer because. What?! “What?!”</p><p> </p><p>“What to what?”</p><p> </p><p>“You… fancy me?”</p><p> </p><p>Jongdae snorts. Baekhyun smiles.</p><p> </p><p>“No. I do not fancy you. I <em> love </em>you. See the difference?”</p><p> </p><p>Baekhyun does not. He keeps smiling though. “In a serious way?” he asks. Maybe that’s the difference.</p><p> </p><p>“What does that even mean? Serious? When have we been serious? I love you is more than just a simple crush, it’s I need you in my life and I want to make you happy, and watching you hurting, just like minutes ago is physically painful for me. Actually I didn’t plan on confessing right now, I wanted to be sure about your real feelings. I was waiting for a proper confession from you because sometimes I’m insecure and I didn’t know if you meant all those things you said or if you just said ‘I love you’ and ‘let’s date’ and all that because it’s natural for you to say them. So I was wondering, what if he doesn’t really like me and this is just part of our friendship? And I was waiting for a kiss or something, you know, something that was tangible, an <em> act</em>, no some words.”</p><p> </p><p>“So that’s what a serious confession means,” Baekhyun understands in awe.</p><p> </p><p>“What? Baek, for real, I don’t know what is this <em> serious </em> thing about but can you tell me I didn’t read everything wrong and…”</p><p> </p><p>Baekhyun pulls him into a kiss.</p><p> </p><p>“Finally,” Jongdae manages to say before their lips meet.</p><p> </p><p>Baekhyun cups his face ready to express in kisses all the confessions that his mouth has expressed with words in the past. <em> I like you </em>he says to each corner of Jongdae’s mouth; <em> date me </em>he asks opening his mouth; <em> you’re the most handsome man I’ve ever seen in my life </em>he confesses biting his lower lip; <em> so strong</em>, tongue against tongue; <em> so adorable</em>, with a closed mouth kiss to the top of his nose; <em> so kind, </em> a kiss to his neck; <em> so beautiful</em>, under his ear.</p><p> </p><p>“I love you,” he whispers, devouring his mouth. “Believe me,” Baekhyun murmurs, opening his eyes and taking a step back. His hands still on Jongdae’s face. He runs his thumb over those reddened lips that drive him crazy.</p><p> </p><p>Jongdae nods mesmerized too.</p><p> </p><p>“This is not what friends do. I don’t do this, any of this, the kisses, the 'I love you', I don’t do that to my friends unless they have my heart and I want them to be the father of my kids.”</p><p> </p><p>Jongdae snorts. Baekhyun kisses him. “Understood?” he whispers against Jongdae’s lips, his thumb now caressing his neck. “I can kiss you until you understand. I <em> will </em> kiss you until you understand.”</p><p> </p><p>This time Jongdae groans and pushes him. And Baekhyun is about to freak out but then he feels the wall against his back and Jongdae’s lips pressing against his. And okay, that’s good, more than good to be honest, because their bodies have adjusted in the most exquisite way and Baekhyun squirms between Jongdae’s body and the wall until his hard-on rubs against the other’s leg, and he moans at the friction, a moan that soon fades among kisses.  </p><p> </p><p>“Kim Jong Dae and Byun Baek Hyun!” a scream breaks them apart. And not any scream. Jongdae’s mum scream that separates each syllable. Baekhyun has never thought it was possible to turn from horny to scared this fast. But here he is, hidden behind Jongdae, his hard-on still…on, because his cock can’t get the memo. And then, she sends them the <em>glare</em>.</p><p> </p><p>Baekhyun hears Jongdae's whimper. And that’s what he needs to step from behind him and hold Jongdae’s hand. Nobody frightens his baby.</p><p> </p><p>“What do you think you are doing? Your boyfriend, Yixing, is downstairs, <em> all </em>your family is downstairs and…”</p><p> </p><p>“I love him!” Baekhyun screams, tightening his hand telling Jongdae that he got this.</p><p> </p><p>“Baekhyun, no.”</p><p> </p><p>“Baekhyun, yes. Babe, let me explain it to her. I love Jongdae. I have always loved him. Always being two years ago or some.” Jongdae’s mum doesn’t have the glare© and doesn’t seem angry anymore but she’s looking at Baekhyun with pity. And that’s a no-no. “And he loves me!” he yells.</p><p> </p><p>“I actually do.”</p><p> </p><p>“See? And I don’t care that he looks better with Yixing or that Yixing is better than me because <em> I am </em>the real boyfriend… wait,” he turns toward Jongdae, feeling anxious all of a sudden. “Are we boyfriends now?  I would love to be boyfriends. Not fake ones, even if that’s your thing. I asked you this through kisses but…”</p><p> </p><p>“Mum,” Jongdae interrupts Baekhyun's rambling. “Baekhyun and I are dating…”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, thank god,” Baekhyun says. “You got me scared there for a second,” he chuckles nervously.</p><p> </p><p>“And Yixing is not your boyfriend.” Both of them grin at her, nodding. “So you’re not being unfaithful.”</p><p> </p><p>“Of course not, your son is an angel, he could never.”</p><p> </p><p>Jongdae’s mum smiles at Baekhyun. “I know, sweetheart. I’m happy for you both. Extremely. That being said… Kim Jong Dae have you been lying to your whole family during the past three days?!”</p><p> </p><p>Baekhyun has never heard in his whole life a Kim member angry before. He’s about to shit his pants. Jongdae’s mum is so petite, seems so delicate, a fairy. Well, damn, the mother of an angel, what do you expect? And seeing her angry? Holy shit.</p><p> </p><p>Carefully, he withdraws his hand and crosses his arms, trying to mimic Jongdae’s mum posture. “Yeah, Jongdae, did you lie to your family? I didn’t expect that from you.”</p><p> </p><p>“And of course you knew, Byun Baekhyun,” she says. Baekhyun takes Jongdae’s hand back ignoring his reluctance. “I’m disappointed in both of you. Now, go downstairs, everyone deserves an explanation and an apology.”</p><p> </p><p>(◕‸ ◕✿) (◕ω◕✿) (◕‸ ◕✿) (◕ω◕✿) (◕‸ ◕✿) (◕ω◕✿) (◕‸ ◕✿) (◕ω◕✿)</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong> <em>2 YEARS LATER</em> </strong>
</p><p> </p><p>Baekhyun is sitting on the Adult Table. Heechul too, in case someone else is asking. Yixing is at the Children Table, which is what happens when you’re the favorite of the children (Baekhyun feels no remorse). Jongin and Sehun are playing footsies and it’s a little disgusting because the former has a foot kink and really, Baekhyun could do without knowing that.</p><p> </p><p>Everybody is here: the great-aunt Sohyun, her Saint Bernard Dakho, Kyungsoo the honorable son who is helping in the kitchen (to none surprise), Junmyeon who is dating Yixing so is also seating on a Pororo chair, Chanyeol who isn’t dating Kyungsoo (yet) so also seats at the Children Table because Baekhyun and Sehun said so, Minseok who is chatting up with Jongdae’s cousin Changmin, with his husband, Luhan, at the other side throwing them crumbs of bread (that Dakho cleans up happily), the grandfather playing with his hearing aid, Jongin, Sehun, the rest of the Kim family and, of course, Jongdae and Baekhyun.</p><p> </p><p>They aren’t celebrating anything special, just an informal get-together. An eat home-made food, drink margaritas, swim in the pool, make out with your boyfriend kind of event. They’re doing the former. Baekhyun is again stuffing his mouth because two years can’t change him. This time there aren't cheese-fingers but an actual dish that Jongdae made with his own hands. And it’s delicious, hot damn it! Baekhyun could have an orgasm right at this moment.</p><p> </p><p>He says that out loud, pressing a kiss to Jongdae’s cheek. “I fucking love you,” he exclaims and takes another bite, rolling his eyes in ecstasy. “Damn, just marry me Kim Jongdae.”</p><p> </p><p>And the inevitable happens:</p><p> </p><p>Jongdae snorts. Baekhyun smiles. And somewhere at the Children Table, someone lets out a long-suffering sigh. </p>
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